Amber Memories
by Epsilon-Eden
Summary: Sesshomaru makes an agonizing decision, but he must stay strong. He has to do the right thing for his little girl.
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own InuYasha or any characters belonging to the series. They are all property of Rumiko Takahashi =)**

First things first.... *****EPIC SPOILER WARNING***** If you don't know what happens at the end of InuYasha and have no desire to find out here, Don't read on!

If you do however and know what this is all about, then by all means, carry on =3

At the moment this is a one shot, but I may still add to it. Im still working on my FF7 fic so this is a side muse when writers block hits me with a giant novelty mallet.

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If you tear up easily, you may need a tissue or two. Unless my writing is as bad as I think it is...in which case i won't provoke so much as a sniff out of you.... T_T

Edit!! I've decided to have Lord Fluff speak the way he originally does, referring to himself in the third person. I dunno, I just want to see how it goes :3 I think its quite cute .

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**;~ Amber Memories ~;**

It was a warm spring day. Giant fluffy white clouds drifted lazily through the deep blue sky. The winds stirred the trees, sweeping tiny pink petals into the air to take flight. They flew and drifted over a beautiful meadow where a bubbly little girl sat in a patch of white flowers. Carefully she selected the most beautiful blooms, threading them into one another to form a long chain. She hummed to herself as she did so, singing every song she could remember, and some she had made up. After a while she seemed satisfied the chain was complete and she held it up. Smiling, she leapt to her feet and looked around, trying to find her protector.

He was sitting under a sakura tree, watching her. He had thought long and hard the past few days but his mind was made up. The little girl could no longer journey with him. She needed to be around humans again. She needed to be given the chance to grow up as she was meant to, to make her own decisions. He closed his eyes.

He had to let Rin go.

"Sesshomaru-samaaaa!" She called to him as she ran, carefully cradling her flower chain. Rin slowed to a walk as she got closer to her guardian. The setting sun was bathing him in a golden glow. She was too young to understand attraction, but she knew he was the prettiest thing she had ever seen. The wind lifted and tousled his long hair and it shimmered in the fading light. Golden glints caught her eyes and she smiled. She loved her Lord's hair; it was silky and soft all the time. She would stroke it and play with it when he was sleeping. She would decorate it with tiny flowers and make swirly patterns on the ground with the tips. And she would giggle in the morning when he would walk with them still threaded in his hair. Boring Jaken-sama would always tell him of course, but he didn't always shake the flowers out. Sometimes he would let them be, simply saying 'what flowers Jaken…?'

She crept closer; was he asleep? She wasn't sure. She could barely tell if he was breathing. He was so still. The only thing that moved him was the wind. She tip-toed in front of him, carefully stepping over his leg that he had folded loosely in front of him, taking care not to tread on his white hakama and leave a grubby little footprint. Rin carefully lifted the chain up and over his head, holding her breath as it caught on his ear. He didn't stir so she gently lifted it off and let it fall on his shoulders,

"What are you doing Rin…?" He said suddenly. The little girl jumped and yelped in surprise,

"I made you this Sesshomaru-sama" she said, smiling at him. He picked the flower chain up with his slender fingers and looked at it. Rin fidgeted before him, rubbing her calf with her opposite foot. Seemingly satisfied with the gift, the powerful demon set the chain down again.

"It's very nice Rin. Why don't you play with Jaken?"

The little girl scrunched her face up, "Jaken-sama wandered off. He's so short I can't find him in the long grass"

"Take Ah-un, Rin. He'll find Jaken for you" Sesshomaru said, smiling at her. Rin seemed to deem this as a good game and bounded off to wake the sleeping dragon up.

***

Several hours later it was beginning to get very dark, so Sesshomaru got up to look for Rin and Jaken. They were playing at a small stream not too far away. He watched them; Rin had seemingly invented a game which involved letting different coloured flowers go in the water and calling out which to catch. Rin appeared to be winning, Jaken was complaining a lot. She eventually noticed Sesshomaru was watching them and she splashed out of the water to meet him. She was delighted to see he was still wearing her flower chain,

"Time for sleep Rin" he heard her start to complain so he spoke again, "Please Rin, go to sleep early. Do it for Sesshomaru" And she stopped and nodded,

"Can I sleep on moko-moko-sama?" she asked, tugging on the long sleeve of his kimono.

"Of course you can"

_Later the same night…_

Silently he rose, taking care not to wake her. She was firmly attached to his moko so it was left behind, along with Jaken and Ah-Un. He didn't sense any youkai close, nor did his sharp nose catch any un-settling scents, so he was happy to leave her in Jaken's care. Gracefully, he strode out into the meadow and beyond the stream, heading for the village that he knew was nearby.

Several guards saw him coming, and one ran as fast as he could to alert the village chief. He kept walking. Into the main settlement he strode, no one dared to challenge him. As she stood in a clearing, he thought how once…doing this would disgust him. How things have changed…the smell of humans was no longer foul to his nose. They were simply different. He was amazed something as small as Rin could change his demoniac heart. But change it she did.

Eventually, an old, plump woman walking with a lopsided gait approached him and he turned to face her. Her one good eye fixed him in a stare before she commented,

"Sesshomaru. What brings you here in the middle of the night?" Kaede asked him, noting the absence of his usual shoulder garment.

"Sesshomaru has a request to make of you" He said simply. Kaede nodded for him to carry on, "He'd like to leave Rin here in your care. She should grow up with her own kind. She cannot stay traveling with him, he fears for her safety…" He paused and looked away.

"I see…after Naraku used her to get to you, as well as almost losing her forever in the underworld, you fear the same happening again"

Sesshomaru nodded, still looking away.

"Very well. I would be honored to look after her for you"

***

"Why Sesshomaru-sama, why?" A tearful Rin pleaded at the village gates the next day. Kaede watched as the Inu-yokai put his hand on her head gently,

"Rin…Sesshomaru has kept you safe up until now, but you must learn to get on without him. Your human…you need to grow up with your own people"

The little girl cried harder at this, covering her face with her little hands.

"Rin, don't cry. Sesshomaru will never forget you. You know he won't. He'll come and see you, for as long as you want him too" He stood up and Kaede stepped forward, placing her hands on the girl's shoulders to comfort her. She sobbed as he turned away, back towards Jaken and Ah-Un. She would never be able to play with his hair again. Never be able to snuggle up in moko-sama. Never be able to touch the moon shape on his head. She called after him, crying and pleading not to be left behind.

Sesshomaru's new heart was slowly breaking. He couldn't stand to hear her cry like this. He had to walk away. He had to be strong. Even Jaken was tearing up. He'd never admit it, but the green toad would miss her too. He stood next to Ah-Un and looked back. Kaede was crouching now, trying to comfort the little girl.

His little girl.

She was trying to run to him, trying to get away. How could he leave her like this? He closed his eyes and waved his hand over the armor he wore. It disappeared in a haze, leaving him with just his hakama and kimono. As he predicted, Rin had broken free and was running as fast as she could towards him, stumbling blind from tears. He knelt down on both knees and spread his arms, pulling her close as she collided with him, holding her little head against the crook of his neck where she sobbed and snuffled for a long time.

Jaken was shocked. Sesshomaru had never before shown such affection. Especially not towards a human. But it was Rin, and Jaken knew Rin was special. He watched with tears in his eyes as the little girl burrowed closer to his master, cherishing the rare gift she was being given.

Rin knew she had to let go. But she couldn't. She dreamed of hugging him like this, but she never imagined it would be under these circumstances. She tangled her fingers in his soft hair, nuzzled his warm neck and breathed in his comforting scent. She didn't want to forget any of it. Eventually she pulled away. Her eyes were red and puffy and her nose was running. But she didn't care. She looked into his beautiful amber eyes. She'd never been this close to them.

Sesshomaru laid his hand on her cheek one last time and smiled at her, before standing up and lifting himself gracefully onto Ah-Un's back. The beast's two heads nudged Rin affectionately. Even they seemed to understand what was happening. Once Jaken had joined him, Sesshomaru glanced one last time at his precious little girl before urging Ah-Un into the air. As they rose, he heard her call to him,

"I love you Sesshomaru-sama! I'll never forget you!"

And as they flew higher into the blue sky, Sesshomaru began to cry.

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Poor little Rin T_T


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you everyone who reviewed =) seems i have writers block again, so here's another chapter xD Its shorter than the last one, sorry about that. I'm mainly trying to show Sesshomaru's visits and how gradually, Rin will change over the years.

I also decided to change Sesshomaru's speach to his original, slightly odd, habit.

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_One month later…_

The little girl watched the angry black storm clouds roll in from the horizon. The fresh smell began to drift in on the increasing winds as she held her orange kimono close to her. Every day she waited at the village gate, hoping he would come back. The old lady said she was better off here, with everyone.

Safer.

Rin could think of nowhere safer than with her lord Sesshomaru.

She thought she would never stop crying the day he left. Even when there were no more tears to shed she continued to weep. Why did he leave her? Rin couldn't understand. She couldn't understand why she wasn't safe with him. He could do anything; he brought her back to life twice. He was the strongest demon alive; no one could kill lord Sesshomaru.

She shuffled closer to the wooden post she was clinging too as the wind began to blow harder, picking up leaves and tossing them about her feet. She sighed. She would wait.

***

Jaken didn't know why they were walking. Why not just fly into the village? He said… Sesshomaru didn't answer him. The little kappa swayed a little as the stormy winds caught the package he was holding, attempting to yank it out of his grasp,

"Jaken…" Sesshomaru said calmly.

"Yes Sesshomaru-sama?"

"If you drop that and get it dirty, Sesshomaru will not be pleased…"

"Of course not! I won't drop Rin's present, I wouldn't dream of it!"

***

"Rin-chan! Come inside, the storm will be here soon!" One of the villagers called to her. She didn't answer. She was watching the fields, watching the trees. She didn't even notice that the black clouds were slowly turning the sky a gloomy grey. She clung to the post and rested her cheek against it. Just a little longer.

Just when it seemed the heavens would open on her, her patience was finally rewarded. She saw his head appear above the top of the hill, looking at the sky and keeping his hair from blowing in his face. Jaken was jogging at his heels, struggling to hold onto a package done up with thick paper and string.

"Sesshomaru-sama!!" Rin called, utterly elated. She let go of the post and ran up the hill as fast as her short legs would carry her. The powerful demon turned his head and was surprised to feel a small lurch where his heart sat in his chest. The sight of Rin running to him pleased him. He was worried she wouldn't want to see him anymore. Sesshomaru shook his head, dismissing such non-sense.

He knelt down on one knee as she approached, greeting her with a smile.

"Sesshomaru-sama you came back! I'm so happy to see you!" The little girl hopped and bounced on the spot, clearly struggling to contain her excitement.

"Sesshomaru promised, Rin, of course he came back" the demon said gently. Rin beamed happily at him as he placed a hand on her head before standing up. As he did, he saw Kaede hurrying up the hill with a few villagers. She slowed down when she saw him, a look of relief flitting over her face.

"Rin-chan, you shouldn't run off like that, everyone was worried" the aged woman addressed Rin, who now had Jaken in a bone crushing hug.

"But Kaede, I was safe, Sesshomaru-sama was here!" She replied confidently. Kaede put her hands on her hips and was about to speak again, but Sesshomaru cut her off,

"Rin, Sesshomaru wants you to listen to Kaede. Don't disobey her"

The little girl looked slightly crest fallen. He told her off? She didn't understand. she was safe with him, wasn't she?

"I'm sorry Kaede. I won't do it again"

The old woman nodded as big raindrops began to splash around them.

"We should get back before we get soaked. You are welcome to join us Sesshomaru"

Jaken started to splutter something about his master not needing permission to do anything but was quickly silenced with a glare from the demon in question. Sesshomaru thought for a moment before following the old woman and her entourage, Rin following close at his side. He didn't really feel like getting wet. Plus he still had to give Rin her present.

***

"Ah! It's so pretty, thank you Sesshomaru-sama!" Rin was delighted with her gift. She held the little kimono up to get a better look. It was a pleasant pastel yellow with delicate flowers adorning it. The garment was made from the finest silk and hand embroided. She begged Kaede to help her try it on, insisting she wouldn't ruin it by going outside. The storm had reached them by now, wind and rain was lashing the houses mercilessly.

Sesshomaru watched as she twirled and tried to look at her new clothes from all angles, almost losing her balance in the process. He was pleased she liked it. He shifted his position on the floor slightly so save his legs going to sleep.

Eventually Rin calmed down and asked permission to cuddle up to moko-sama to keep warm. Sesshomaru nodded and watched the little girl huddle down and bury her small body in his fur. Almost straight away she was asleep.

"She waits for you every day you know" Kaede said quietly after a while, "at first she refused to leave the gate she clung too. We had to tell her off quite a few times"

Sesshomaru simply nodded.

"Still, I'm glad you decided to take my advice and wait a month. She needed to understand you wouldn't be coming back like you usually do. She needed to be weaned"

Sesshomaru watched the little girl as she began to snore ever so gently, the sound coming out as a hushed sigh as her little hands grasped at an imaginary object just beyond her reach.

He understood the old woman's reasoning of course. But saying goodbye to Rin was hard. Harder than he ever imagined it would be. He was surprised with himself. Had he left Rin with a human village the day he saved her from the minions from the underworld, he wouldn't have given it a second thought. When he left her a month ago, he felt he was leaving behind a part of himself. He even shed a few tears, something he had never done in his adult life before. He'd never cared enough about anything enough to warrant it worthy of his tears.

Except for Rin.

A tiny human girl had made lord Sesshomaru cry for the first time.

***

The rain had stopped and Kaede left Sesshomaru alone with the child, joining her people to assess the damage the storm had caused.

Gently he removed Rin from his moko and laid her in her little bed, covering her with a blanket. He stroked her cheek gently and her eye's fluttered in response,

"Goodbye Rin. Be a good girl for Sessh-"he stopped and thought, before sighing gently, "be a good girl for Kaede" he rose and turned to leave, pausing in the doorway and looking back, her murmuring catching his attention,

"Bye bye…Sesshomaru….sama…" she mumbled, before turning over and falling asleep again.

_Bye bye…Rin…_ he whispered softly.


	3. Chapter 3

Hurrrr, another chapter. Mainly because I've had another fic idea...so many idea's! so little time T__T I have numerous idea's for my art flying about in my head too...I need a butterfly net...But I can't write my other idea until this one is finished, so! onwards!

**As usual I don't own anything and I am writing this for my own pleasure, not for profit =3**

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_3 Years later…_

Sesshomaru sniffed the air as he drifted towards the little human village, riding the winds. It smelt different…Inuyasha. So, he was here as well now. He cast his eyes down at the humans working in the paddy fields. There was no sign on Rin there, though he could smell she was close.

He landed close to the village gate. A few people were startled and recoiled, but mostly they tolerated his presence now. They seemed to be used to the fact that one of the most powerful youkai in the eastern lands visited them often.

The sound of children's laughter tinkered on the wind and he looked in the direction of the noise. Two small children were playing carelessly, being chased by what he presumed was the parent. The monk…

Rin wasn't with them either. Sesshomaru bowed his head. He had noticed a slight change in the little girl. He visited her when he could, but sometimes there were months between his visits. He noticed that, gradually, Rin would be further and further away when he arrived. Gone were the days when she would cling stubbornly to the gate posts, waiting for him to appear through the trees or over the hill. She was always happy to see him but…Sesshomaru couldn't ignore the subtle change in her.

He looked up again and began to walk up the path towards the huts and storage houses. He saw the old woman lift the canvas of her door and a moment later, Rin appeared, smiling as she always did.

"Sesshomaru-sama!" She called to him. He smiled in return and stopped just short of the doorway,

"Hello Rin" He looked down at her. She was bouncing on her heels as she usually did, Hands clasped behind her back. Kaede invited him in to her hut and he obliged. On his heels as usual was Jaken, struggling under another package. Rin giggled at him as he stumbled over the doorstep.

"I'll leave you two be so you can catch up in peace" The old woman said, and left. Sesshomaru opted to sit on the floor, as he always did. Jaken took a spot in a corner out the way and Rin bounced up onto her bed.

"Have you been behaving, Rin?" He asked her once she was settled.

"Uh-huh! I've been good. Kaede has been teaching me all sorts of things"

"Such as?"

"How to plant riiice…how to mix herbs, how to make tea and cook…" Rin paused and placed a finger to her mouth, "Would you like some tea Sesshomaru-sama?" She asked excitedly. Sesshomaru closed his eyes,

"No" He said simply. Rin let out a small moan of disappointment and he opened his eyes again. She was pouting and fidgeting with her feet. He sighed,

"Show me how you make it, Rin" He said to her instead. Instantly she regained her good mood and hopped off her bed. Normally, he would have refused and that was that. He didn't care for human things. Water was all the refreshment he needed. He certainly hadn't entertained the notion of consuming for pleasure. What was the sense in it? You ate and drank to survive, not for pleasure. He found pleasure in other things…which is why he changed his mind. He realized that she took pleasure in making him happy. Even if he didn't need it, he would ask it of her. If only to see her smile again.

He watched with golden eyes as she carefully prepared the water over the small fire in the middle of the modest dwelling. He small hands slipped once or twice as she made the brew, not helped by Jaken of course. As usual, he was chastising her from his seat in the corner. She in turn was complaining back, the look of concentration deepening on her young face as she told him to leave her be. It was just like it used to be. He couldn't help but smile.

"All done! Please taste it, Sesshomaru-sama…I know you probably won't like it but…" She said quietly, holding the small clay cup towards him. He hesitated before taking it. There was no harm in trying it. There was no one else here with him, only those he held dearest to him so he lifted the steaming beverage to his lips and hesitated. Rin chewed her bottom lip as she watched him sniff it first, before tipping a small amount in his mouth.

It wasn't that bad…it tasted like autumn leaves smelt. Sesshomaru looked at his reflection on the tea's surface,

"It's very good Rin. Well done" He noticed her positively beam at his approval, before ladling some in another cup and offering it to Jaken. While they were busy squabbling, Sesshomaru sipped at the remains of his offering. The taste was defiantly growing on him.

"Jaken, stop being such a meanie! Sesshomaru-sama is drinking it, why can't you?"

"I don't want it! Disgusting human drink. He's only drinking it because it will make you hap-"Jaken was instantly silenced by Sesshomaru's cup colliding with the side of his head with a solid 'thud'. He keeled over backwards, his leg twitching slightly. Rin giggled and turned back to Sesshomaru, serving herself some tea,

"I'm so happy Kaede-sama is teaching me all this" She began, carefully pouring the hot liquid into her own cup, "I feel…much more useful now. Maybe, when I start travelling with you again I won't be such a burden" She finished quietly. Sesshomaru blinked at her,

"You still wish to travel with me?"

"I think so, yes…I…said to myself long ago that I would be with Sesshomaru-sama no matter what…" She was still talking quietly, gazing into her tea cup with hazy eyes.

Sesshomaru watched her. Although the words had defiantly come out of her mouth, she somehow seemed…different. It was as if she only said it to reassure herself. He swallowed. In the end it didn't matter, Rin would have to make her own choices. And no matter what…he would have to respect them. He missed her company. Missed her laughter, her happy face. Her scent. He even missed the flowers she would bring him or arrange in his hair. He missed the comforting weight of her tiny body lying on his moko. He missed the songs she would sing while she rode Ah-Un, missed her innocent voice…She had taught him so much…

Was he, Sesshomaru, worried that he might lose his compassionate heart? Such nonsense…he would never forget the lessons she had taught him. Her own, little lessons that she could never comprehend she was giving.

He mustn't worry, he chastised himself. One as great as he, would never forget such things.

A while later, Kaede came back and Sesshomaru said his goodbyes and left,

"Did Sesshomaru bring you something again?"

"Ah! It's another kimono…"

As he soared through the sky, he smelt his half-brother below. And the scent of the miko girl with him. So, Inuyasha had found happiness…

"Look Sesshomaru-sama, its Kagome!" Jaken said suddenly. As if he didn't already know that...

"Onii-san!!"

Sesshomaru glared at the human girl. Softer his heart may be, but he couldn't quite get used to the sound of that woman calling him 'big brother'. Not yet…He drifted off further away and let his face soften.

_To think I, Sesshomaru, have a human sister now…I hope your happy father…_

Jaken couldn't help but be disturbed when his master started chuckling softly.

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**Mmmmm tea. I wan't some now but I should go to bed....**

**Dogs can develop funny tastes. And I think with Lord Fluffys new found compassion, it wouldn't be beyond him to start liking...odd things. ehehehee. R&R please, I appreciate the feedback ^^**


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